Once again, it’s time to revive my ranking of the NFL’s hottest quarterbacks! You’re so excited. There’s been many changes in the league since my last list
in 2013, some new blood, if you will. Ahem.
First, some ground rules: I tried to stick to starting quarterbacks, since if we also considered backups, it’d be mayhem. Next, while I tried to judge objectively, you should know I am a hardcore Baltimore Ravens fan, so while it wasn’t an issue, I’d have a hard time placing, say Big Ben or the Red Rifle on the list.
And one big caveat, since I live in Maine and surely have lots of readers who are Pats fans: Tom Brady is not on this list. I cannot abide by his small mouth and his dented chin. Which is too bad, because when he’s on the field in his pony ankle socks, he’s pretty cute. Anyway, if that bothers you feel free to move along, write your own list with him as number 1, etc.
And with that, away we go:
1. Cam Newton
Cammy (as I like to call him) has always been in the top 5 and this year he’s rocketed up to numero uno. He’s got a beautiful smile, a sense of humor, and looks good in a suit. I’m hoping he goes to the big game this year – he’s fun to watch and finally has a good team to support him.
2. Marcus Mariota
I actually know very little about Marcus, but mentally added the handsome Hawaiian to my list at the start of his NFL debut. Have you seen pictures of him wearing a lei at the Heisman ceremony? Hello.
3. Ryan Fitzpatrick
Fear the beard! I love a man with a righteous beard. While Fitzy seemed kind of sad after being booted from the Bills, I hope he finds some success with the Jets. No one wants to see a sad beard.
4. Aaron Rodgers
While Rodgers doesn’t fall into the “model hot” category, he’s got a great personality that bumps him up a few notches. I love his sense of humor – he seems like someone you’d enjoy hanging out with in real life.
5. Joe Flacco
Whaaaat? Joe Flacco made the list?? This Baltimore magazine article puts it best: “When exactly did Joe Flacco get hot?” I guess he got a stylist or something. Growing out his hair vastly improved his looks, and obviously, I’m thrilled to welcome Joe to the top 10.
6. Russell Wilson
Already to number 6 and we’re still going strong! I’ve always loved Russell Wilson – he seems like a nice man. Actually, I know he’s nice, since he’s from Richmond, VA and my aunt reports he used to work the concession stand for the younger kids’ games. So sweet. However, his short haircut kind of makes his head seem a bit pointy. Bring back the curly locks, Russell!
7. Josh Freeman
Who? Ok, ok, this one is cheating a little bit. Freeman once was the starter for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, but is now the backup for Andrew Luck. I think he took a few snaps in the last regular season for the Colts. But while Freeman was bouncing around the league (and then even playing for the FXFL for a season), he was quietly getting hotter. Dude lost a lot of weight and got seriously buff. So welcome to the big leagues, Josh!
8. Alex Smith
The last three spots on the list are dedicated to dudes who aren’t hideous. Let’s just say there is not a lot of depth in the roster at the position of hot quarterback. Alex Smith is kind of cute – in some pictures he even manages to look like Ryan Gosling and in others, Bradley Cooper.
9. Kirk Cousins
I noticed Kirk Cousins’ eyes while watching him play Green Bay the other day. Unfortunately, after that floated in some reference about him trying to trademark a catch phrase. Yup, dude is trying to register his “You like that??” line. Honey, no. Just no. But d-baggery aside, kind of cute.
10. Matt Ryan
Ugh, Matt Ryan is not even that cute. I am going to great lengths to avoid including Brady, aren’t I? (I even squinted and looked at Jay Cutler. Desperate.) But Matt Ryan has typical football player looks, so he squeaks in at the bottom of the pile.
Tell me who does it for you in the comments! I won’t judge – I’ve heard it all.